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Argument #1
The Insult Arena
Here naughty Dibbuns can slug it out with style in the name-calling-, insulting-, back-bickering-, tongue-pulling-, face-making- filled Insult Arena! Six pairs of angry, enlisted Dibbuns step in, and give 72 outrages in all. In every Argument, each Arguer gets 6 chances to out-insult his opponent. Then the audience votes on which Arguer stood his side the best! If you want to become an Arguer, e-mail Gonfflet, saying your member name, and your six insults. Each winning Arguer gets 20 Candied Chestnuts, you stinky-smelling idiot!
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Argument #1
| Arguer 1 | Arguer 2 |
| Cornflower | Redfur |
| 1. You are so ugly, that vermin coming into the abbey thought they were staring in a mirror when they saw you. Then they realised you were much to ugly too be a reflection of them! | 1. You slop-brained, fat-bottomed excuse for a toad! |
| 2. You are so smelly, that you make onions cry! | 2. Geez, look at you, mista I-take-a-bath-every-night-and-do-as-I'm-told. |
| 3. You are so dumb, that it took you and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes! | 3. E-yew, what's that slimy glob growing out of your neck? Errr, it's disgusting, I don't even want to look at it....... Oh I'm so sorry, I believe it's your head. |
| 4. You are so short, that when you sit on the curb, your legs dangle! | 4. Help! Ring the bells, the ugliest rat in Mossflower has invaded the Abbey! AAAA- oh sorry, it's you. |
| 5. You are so fat, that when you sit around the house, you sit AROUND the house! | 5. You wouldn't know the difference between a cess pit and a mirror! |
| 6. You are so ugly, that Mother Mellus put you outside the Abbey, because she thought you were a vermin! | 6. Great seasons, is that your nose? I thought it was a marrow, it's so huge. |
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Argument #2
| Arguer 1 | Arguer 2 |
| Briella Roseflower | Mokkan |
| 1. Oh my, there's a BIG wart on yore neck, oops, my mistake, that's yore head! | 1. The nicest thing yore mama ever said to you can't be said! |
| 2. Yore so fat, you would have to take a bath in the great lake, if you ever got a bath, you stinky slimewolloper! | 2. If you took a bath in the abbey pond all the wildlife would die! |
| 3. Yore so dumb, you don't know the difference from a rat to yore mum! | 3. You dimwitted, dumb, doodle-pawed, slop-eared excuse for a dibbun! |
| 4. Yore so filthy, the dung beetles don't even want to sit closer than two miles from you! | 4. If you exposed yore rear end to the atmosphere every living thing would die! |
| 5. Yore own mother wouldn't even think of feedin' ya, yore such a hog that the whole kitchens couldn't make enough for you to eat! | 5. Yore so ugly yore mother fainted when she first saw you! |
| 6. Yore so dirty, that when you go to the pond to swim you'll kill all o' the fish before you even set paw in the water! | 6. You overgrown, noodle-boodied bum! |
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Argument #3
| Arguer 1 | Arguer 2 |
| Spectrum | Aguachica |
1. The horror..the horror! Why'd I look, why'd I look! (He's looking at you Aguachica) |
1. You could fight an army of searats single-faced. |
| 2. You stabered, studmitomous jabot (why dont 'ya look it up in a dictionary) | 2. When your mum gave birth to you she wasn't hoping for a prize. |
| 3. You stupid, low-life, snot-faced, idiotic, cry-baby (Your I.Q's so low you probably need to look this up in a dictionary too) | 3. You're so stupid, if you tried to steal candied chestnuts, you'd have to ask the friar for directions. |
| 4. You were so fat when you were born it took Sunflash and Cregga to lift you. | 4. What is that mis-shapen lump on your neck, Spectrum? Oh, I'm terrible sorry matey. Is that your head? I didn't know heads looked like that. |
| 5. The Abbey creatures wanted to thow you over the wall, but your mothers dying wish was to have you spared (she started dying when she saw you). | 5. If you cut off your tail, and sold it as a sail, to a ship sailing out to sea, your tail was so fat, the ship went SPLAT!, far below where the eye can see. |
| 6. They threw you of the wall anyway, but you fell straight through the ground and got stuck (read "The Long Patrol", you know that hole, guess who made it...you!) | 6. Here is an insult, Spectrum. |
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Argument #4
| Arguer 1 | Arguer 2 |
| Song | Mitsa |
| 1. You are soooooooooo ugly, you joined Ripfang the one-toothed ugly rat on a cruise, and he said, "I may be ugly, but that Rosebush takes the cake!!!" | 1. PHAW! what in the world is that? I've never smelt anything so repulsive and FOUL! I can see it now! wait no... that's just Song! |
| 2. Slimy stoatsface rattypooperscooper zitty blue-bottomed fathead horrible excuse for something that hasn't been bitted by Asmodeus!!! | 2. WOA! somthing's overflowing the chair next to me! It's a big blob of somthing sticky and yellow and slimy! It must be some kind of even-more-ugly-then-the- ugliest-vermin -in-the-world! No.... wait..... it's just Song. |
| 3. If brains were gold, you'd be so poor, it wouldn't be funny!!! | 3. What is that thing growing outa the middle of your face???? Oh my god! It's your nose! It's amazing that a mutilation like that could exist! |
| 4. Oh, yeah? Well, you're so hideous, a horde of vermin took you in for ugliness lessons!!! | 4. OH MY GOD! What is that foul thing that just walked into the insult arena!?! That thing is sooo ugly that searats and vermin + cluny the scourge PLUS badrang would run for cover and cry for their mummies! |
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5. If I put a pin in your head it would POP! AIRHEAD! |
| 6. You're so fat, twenty badgers of Lord Brocktree's strength couldn't even move you!!! | 6. If I compaired your IQ to a 2 year old, the 2 year old would be smarter!!! You're IQ level is '1'! |
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Argument #5
| Arguer 1 | Arguer 2 |
| Pincush Manyspikes | Gonfflet |
| 1. Gonfflet, I can't see you, there is a big ugly pile of dog poop in the way. Oh wait, that is you! | 1. I bet when you
were younger, the Abbot sent you off with some
searats to learn some manners, you slimy bottomed, dirty pawed frogswalloper. |
| 2. You are so fat that when God said "Let there be light", he had to ask you to move out of the way! | 2. Friar , sound the alarm, there's vermin out here! Oh no, wait, it's just Pincush. |
| 3. So, it must have been a pretty interesting day when those 42 skunks sprayed you eh? Oh wait, what's that? You always smell like that!? | 3. When you were
little your mother wouldn't let you swim in the
pond, because you frightened away all the fishies. |
| 4. You are just about as bright as a broken light bulb in a dark closet at nighttime. | 4. Muvver Mellus, there's mould growing on the meadowcream pie. Oops! Sorry Pincush, I didn't know that was you. |
| 5. You are just about as thick-headed as you are fat, which as about as much as 67 elephants. | 5. You
slimy-tailed, smelly-pawed, lily-livered, stinkin,
idiotic excuse for a stoat! |
| 6. Come back Gonfflet! Oh wait, never mind, I thought you were leaving because you look so much like that cockroach! | 6. You're so thick
that when you saw a bowl of meadowcream you spilt it all over the floor and started to wash with it! |
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Argument #6
| Arguer 1 | Arguer 2 |
| Clara Sparra | Cordum Stag Hare |
| 1. Slagar the Cruel came up to the Abbey and took off screaming when he caught sight of your ugly snout! | 1. You're so ugly that all the other dibbuns in DAB thought you were a snake mixed with a rat. |
| 2. Aaaah! AAAAAAAHH!! HELP! IT'S A SEARAT! Oh...wait, that was just you, my mistake. | 2. The reason that the main gate into Redwall is so big is because they had to get you in. |
| 3. Whoah! Satellite dishes, those are very nice! Hang on, those are your ears. | 3. You're so ugly your mama must be a four-eyed, three nosed, stinky smelling rat vermin. |
| 4. I saw you in the Infirmary drinking warm nettle broth and LIKING it! | 4. You're so stinky that when you you go into a room everybody in it leaves. |
| 5. You went to Sampetra and Ublaz tried to hypnotize you, but his eyes got burned out from the horrible smell. | 5. You're so nasty that all everybody in Redwall thinks you were born in the Abbey Pond. |
| 6. Is it just my imagination, or did you wilt all the flowers at the Nameday Feast last season? | 6.You're nothing but a ugly, ratnosed, weasel eyed, stoat faced, mongrel born from a Rapscallion sea rat mother. |
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Argument #7
| Arguer 1 | Arguer 2 |
| Ryan | Dwopple |
| 1. Hey, I think you need glasses, you just ate some poo, thinking it was a candied chesnut. | 1. Pwwa! What's that smell?Oh it's you, you bloated belly, catfish stinking, excuse for an amimal |
| 2. You are so fat, you fell down the Grand canyon and got stuck. | 2. Is that your habit or is that you barf after eating to many lima beans!!! |
| 3. I heard you smell so bad that when some rotting apples smelt you, they dissolved. | 3. You better get to the infimary because your head is swelling up and I think it might explode! Oh right, thats the way you always look! |
| 4. You are so ugly that some aliens that were about to blow up the planet saw you and ran away. | 4. You look like a fish, we could eat you but I think everyone would die from just smelling you, no matter how many mint leaves Friar Hugo adds. |
| 5. You are so fat that when people walk by they can't fit on the pavement. | 5. Everyone has voted, you are banished to the attic, to live with your brothers and sisters, the sparrow's poop! |
| 6. You are so stupid, you failed a blood test. | 6. Oh my eyes are burning and my nose is stinging just from your stench! |
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Argument #8
| Arguer 1 | Arguer 2 |
| Tansy and Sarie | Larkshine |
| 1. Look at you you fat tubby guts. You're so fat that your mother wouldn't let you do cannon balls into the pond for fear that you would drain it out. | 1. You're
so fat, I betcha you had big problems getting through the
gates. |
| 2. Mother Mellus! Some fish guts got on the dirty laundry! Lets clean it up! Oops, sorry thats you. | 2. I bet you're so stubborn
you won't even go out to pick strawberries. Whoops, I forgot, you won't even fit through the door. |
| 3. You are so ugly that when you stuck your head out the window of your dormitory, you got in BIG trouble for Mooning the Abbess. | 3. Perhaps you've never seen a rat. My mistake. You can just look in the mirror. |
| 4. Hey, check this out! There is a butt talkin to me!... whoops, thats u! | 4. I think I've decided. My stomach's churning. I think I'll look away. Is that a barnacle I see? No wait, that's your shirt, and is that...oops, It must be your head. |
| 5. You're so ugly that your valentine from one of the otters was "You're so ugly, you're like a umm umm weed in a garden of roses!" | 5. Look at you Mrs
I-Follow-All-The-Elders-Rules and such and such. Why do I bother talk to you? Your I.Q. Must be very low, I don't think you understand a word I said. |
| 6. You are sooooo ugly that when you were born your mom almost trashed you thinking you were a old banana peel! | 6. Nevermind slimey-faced,
noddled-furred frogish newt. I think I'll be on my way. By the way, you really ought stop following directions and rules. |
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Last Round's Winners:
Scrabble, SnowViolet, Ferdy,
Keyla, Bippity, and Dandy
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Congrats! You will all receive
20 Candied Chestnuts!
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Vote for this month's winners!
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Warning: This form is under construction and does
not work at the moment!
E-mail
Gonfflet here.
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